You quit.

For years after,
I wanted you back.

At first, I was willing to make any sacrifice,
Change any foible within me,
Deny every quibble I might invent.

In trying to open to others,
I knew I was still searching
For some 2.0 version of you.
Unspoken shame lives darkly in that truth.

Shame remains, a sniper in the night.
It does not look at me with liquid blue eyes.
Or if it does,
They are unblinking
Like a shark.

Today, I have a different love,
Together now for decades.
Through the whole panoply of feelings
We have traversed dead lunar landscapes,
Navigated oceans of tears
Which would have consumed you again.

Shame abides.
Mine is uneasy and refuses to rest,
We co-exist. It’s like owning a mean cat—
Tail switches like mad some days, ears laid flat.
It murders songbirds at night
But does not gift them to me as restitution.
My shame is a mercenary stuck tick-tight.